We have all been flaked on or ghosted when trying to set up a date online. It sucks and is one of the biggest problems online daters face. So how do we stop ghosting on dating apps? It is not you. Many users on swipe-based dating apps play numbers games, especially in the LGBTQ+ community. This results in people becoming disengaged, flakey, and default to ghosting. We will go over some common mistakes people make when interacting on dating apps. By tweaking your approach, you may be able to get better dates.
Talk with a the goal in mind
Your goal should be to get off the app and on the date as soon as possible. However, moving too fast can be highly off-putting. This is complicated because everyone moves at a different pace to try and match their intensity. A good rule of thumb to gauge how fast you should move is by determining two key factors, how shy and how new they are to dating apps. The more shy/new they are, typical will mean they are, the more hesitant sharing info and going on dates and are more likely to flake or ghost on dating apps. For the most part, a solid time to ask for a number is after a couple of excellent messages. By staying focused on setting up real dates you can stop ghosting on dating apps.
Dealing with Unclear Intentions
People are often unsure of what they want or conceal their true intentions. Asking people directly what they are intents are is often seen as too forward and can negatively impact the conversation. It is essential to try and gauge their intent through banter and conversation. Using an app that emphasizes users to showcase their intentions is also a great way to get a rough idea of what they are looking for on the app.
Showing Commitment
The informal nature of current swipe-based dating apps lends itself to people that are only half engaged. Men and women subconsciously adapt to this and can detect who is likely to waste their time. If you give off signs that you are a “time-waster,” your chances of landing a date drop dramatically. The first step in showing commitment is by actually putting thought into your opening line. Lines like “Hey,” “how are you,” “How is your day,” “What are you up to” are overused and boring. Imagine if you got the same message 20 times a day. How would you respond? Studies suggest that commenting on something in their profile or saying something funny is the best way to break the ice. When setting a date-time, always pick their first available time. The less time between now and the date is less time for some other aspect of life to get in the way.
If you are still experiencing issues after trying these tips, don’t get discouraged, sometimes it is not meant to be, or the timing isn’t right, sometimes online dating can really be a numbers game. It is better to find out earlier than months later after investing substantial time and possibly money into a person. It may also be worth trying out a platform that rejects swipes as a way of meeting people and focuses on making more fun and meaningful connections. At Spur, we want to hear about your dating struggles and successes and create a platform that optimizes the dating experience around you.
